The Gaithers in Toronto!

What an amazing night! Tonight, the Gaithers and all their Homecoming Friends visited Toronto - not simply for a concert - but for a live taping of a concert for their next Homecoming video! And, I had ninth row tickets!

I've seen their concerts before in this venue, the Air Canada Centre, so I did have some expectations. And I knew from my "chat" with Bill a few weeks ago that the concert would be staged in the round. I wondered how this would play on screen, because there is essentially no backdrop for the performers. They are surrounded by audience. There were four giant screens on which the audience could watch the show, and even that looked really good. They did lots of stuff with lighting the audience and the stage to give some great images. I think it will be a very different video, but interesting none the less.

So, tonight obeyed the first rule of shooting : Be prepared for long hours! Tonight's concert was six hours long. Six hours! In folding chairs! Like an indoor music festival. Just crazy. I really enjoyed it all, but that's cause I'm a Southern gospel junkie. You could tell it was just too long for a lot of people. Especially because a fair bit of the audience was, well, not so young. The energy of the crowd started to wane around Hour 5, but Bill is such an expert at programming and just making things run so smoothly. There was only one time they had to stop and start again. Amazing given the number of performers and songs on stage.

And, oh, the performers! Everyone was there. Seriously, it was all of your Homecoming friends. Bill was MC and sang with the GVB. The new GVB with Wes. What a great sound they have. It's easy to see why Bill is so excited about the new project. And they did a song featuring Marshall. It would be nice to hear him do a solo song some time. What a rich clear voice. Guy sang Why Me Lord. Very moving.

I'd never heard the Booth Brothers before, but their reputation preceded them. Now I know what all the fuss is about. Great harmony, but here is where I must say my only real complaint of the night - the sound was terrible! Balance was off, and words were muffled. I'm sure that will be cleaned up for video, but my $60 ticket really wanted good sound quality. The reason it comes up for the Booth Brothers is cause they sang with the band and were great, but then they sang acapella, and it was then that we could really hear the beauty of their voices. They did an awesome song with the hook, "Ask the blind man, he saw it all". Isn't that fabulous? I wish I'd found that!

The very pregnant Easters were wonderful, especially on the acapella Rivers of Babylon. Ivan Parker blew everyone away with I Can Only Imagine. Reggie and Lady Love Smith got a well deserved standing ovation with You Raise Me Up. Ben Speer, my new buddy, was awesome on Sheltered in the Arms. I love this song so much, and he delivers it with such simplicity. Joy Gardner took the roof off the place everytime she stepped up to sing. Linda Randle sang a few songs. It was warm and rich and inspiring everytime. Jesse Dixon started on the piano. Not shouting and dancing, just playing and humming. He sang Make Me a Sanctuary. So soulful. So awesome. After that, he sang another song and broke out his dancing shoes. The crowd loved him before he even touched the stage. But he kept the focus on God. He's like a rock star when he's up there, and yet his intention towards God is so clear. Russ Taff has that kind of energy too. He did a Gaithers song with the Isaacs. Such a great combination of all their talents. The Hoppers did several songs, including Jerusalem. I think my mom has become a Hoppers' fan. Good choice.

Stephen Hill did a solo and was wonderful. I had the chance to talk to him after the show and he remembered me from school. Such a great and supportive guy. I tried to find Ben to talk to him, but I could never find him. I did manage to catch his attention at intermission and we waved. I did, however, get to see and chat with Mike Allen. I really wish he'd been able to do a full solo. But we had a great little chat, and I gave him a copy of my cd.

Larry Ford did some great songs, including a hymn written by a woman from Ontario. Boni wrote down the name of it, so I imagine it will show up soon in choir.

I have to admit, there were a lot of newer songs in the program. We were expecting that, because of the taping, but it does mean that I don't remember all the names of the songs.

There was a lot of audience singing, as usual, and it was really great. It was like everyone did a warm-up before coming to the show. Voices were strong, and in our section, several people were singing harmony. So beautiful, especially in those parts where Bill just got the audience to repeat a chorus acapella. Thousands of people praising God in a sports arena. What a blessing!

Tonight, I got to see Mark Lowry live, and he was wonderful. He sang the title track from Some Things Never Change, and that was great to hear, and he did his comedy thing with Bill. I must say, though, he sort of disappeared after the first half. I mean, he was there and all, just not up in a solo position.

And my favorite part was finally getting to see Gloria. This is my third Gaither concert and my first Gloria sighting. She did two beautiful recitations. I could just listen to her speak all day. I have this dream of sitting down for an afternoon with her and chatting about words and songs and other good stuff.

And I have a new favorite group: Ernie Haase and signature Sound. I'd heard little bits of their music, but, oh my!, nothing beats them in person. If you haven't seen or heard them yet, then I highly recommend you do a little research and find a cd or a video or something. Their songs and arrangements are great, and each piece highlights the great voices in the group. And their stage presence is incredible. Seriously - incredible! They are all over the stage, and are having a great time. They do small bits of choreography, which I've heard the purists hate, but I thought it was imaginative and fun. I guess that's my music theatre side shining through. I bought their cd. I'm going to listen to it and dance around!

I'm a great lover of the Isaacs, and they did not disappoint. They did lots of great stuff, including a tight arrangement of It Is Well. It started with two fiddles in close harmony, then the solo voice, then harmony voices. After the first verse, the fiddles dropped out, and it was just voices, ending on incredible harmonies. I'm sure it will be a highlight of the video. They also did Your's and Mine, which is a great song of their's. Bought yet another of their cds.

The first part of the concert was mostly solos, and then they did the group "homecoming" thing in the second half. Apparently, this will be the opening of the show. It's going to be really interesting to see how they cut it and what makes it into the final versions. I believe there will be two videos made from tonight's show.

One of the interesting technical things came from the teleprompters. Most of the lyrics were posted there, and we had a clear view from our seats. But something got messed up in the second half, and they often had the wrong lyrics up. You'd see our Homecoming Friends with very confused expressions and microphones, not singing. Pretty sure that won't make the video.

My respect for Bill Gaither rose, yet again, tonight. It was such a huge program with amazingly complicated technical requirements, artistic challenges, and huge logistics. And still, it was spiritual. God was in that place. It was beautiful and awesome. And I did everything I knew I would do tonight - I laughed, I cried, I sang, and I felt the presence of God.

And, of course, I had to take a minute while I was there to raise a prayer of thanks. God's plan for me is being revealed on a daily basis, and I am so excited by it. Tonight, I got to watch SG artists at the top of their game. It was inspiring and awesome. I just want the things I do to be so good, in music and in spirituality.

And again, I say, "Yes, Lord".

ALPHA - Week One

I am taking Alpha, and tonight was our first night!

What is Alpha? No, it is not a sorority. (Gerald told me not to get a "hazing". Funny boy!) It's a course on Christianity, and it's designed for life-long Christians and for those who have never even stepped into a church. Most people I know have taken it and loved it, but I was never able to commit before. Well, it just seems like the perfect time to do it. I'm hoping to deepen my own understanding of my experience of being Christian, but I also want to open myself to new knowledge and opinions.

It's a ten week course, meeting once a week. We start with a meal, to build community. Then there is a 45 minute video, by former-lawyer-turned-preacher Nicky Gumbel. We then open the floor up to discussion, lead by one of several group leaders. In a larger group, we would break into little clusters for discussion. But there's only 15 of us, so the discussions will stay in the group as a whole. I like that. I think it may lead to a tighter group. We are all given a workbook which gives us optional work to do at home.

Tonight's lesson was "Who is Jesus?". The video started with historical evidence of Jesus, and talked about something called "textual criticism". This is a way that historians can determine the reliability of a piece of historical writing. It's based on when it was written, when the first copy was discovered, and how many copies exist. By this analysis, the Bible actually stands up pretty firmly as a historical document, meaning that we can look at info in it as fact and not simply myth. So, if we follow this, what can we determine about Jesus and his life?

Nicky then offers lots of evidence towards the concept of Jesus as God. And he bases it on the opening lines of the Gospel of John. Way too much info to get into here, but needless to say, it lead to a lot of discussion. It's amazing how much we all have in common - our questions, our doubts, the things we want to discover about God.

Our leader asked a great question: If you met Jesus, what would you ask him? Note: not God - Jesus. My question ended up being: Why did you even bother to come at all? What was the point? Obviously, too big a question to answer in one night. There are lots of things to answer quickly - I came to save the world from sin. I came to live with you on earth. I came to provide an example of how to live a Godly life. But really, does that answer WHY Jesus had to come at all? Didn't God think He was doing a good enough job on His own? He had appeared in many forms before - burning bush, clouds, etc. Why a human being? And why then? And why there? So much to consider. How am I going to cover all this in 10 weeks?

Alpha has become a world-wide phenomenon, bridging languages and denominations. Tonight, it has put my brain into a spin. I think I'm in for quite a journey.

One more interesting thing from today:

I've started mailing out copies of I Am Waiting Here For You. I've sent 2 copies to music people in Nashville. Those envelopes are smothered in prayer!

Prayers for music.

It's late and I'm teaching in the morning, but I guess I just want to throw a little prayer into the air.

I've finished harmonizing and editing Welcome to Bethlehem. It's been written out over two pages, like a convention song. And I've added a few new touches to the harmonies. Today, I filled out an application and submitted it into a Christmas carol writing contest. It's a choral contest, and I think my song will be unique in the competition. But we always know that unique doesn't always win.

My goal is simply to expose the song to more people and more musicians. But of course, the greatest exposure will come with a prize. So here's the Christian dilemma - Is is wrong to pray for a win?

Some will say that Christ wants us to have a successful life. Some will argue for modesty and humility. Some will say that if God is in this song, it will get out to people regardless of a win or a loss.

I guess, I'm just saying a prayer of thanks for the song itself. And a prayer that lots of people can hear it.

Okay..... But I'll be completely honest: It would be sooo exciting to win!

A new demo!

It's very late, but we've had a great day. Leo came over tonight for a time of wine and music. We introduced him to Eva Cassidy. What a gift she was to all of us! I remember when Gerald first played her music for me. Everytime I was upset after that, all I wanted was to hear Fields of Gold. How can a voice be so pretty and so raw, all at the same time?

Today was a great music day for me. Brent Setterington and I finally recorded the demo for I Am Waiting Here For You. That's the song I wrote at Stamps-Baxter. Brent is an awesome producer who mostly does pop, but he's also a Christian with a great interest in gospel music. He was also the producer for my first cd. ("first" implies, of course, that there will be a second!)Daryl Williams and I did a rough demo when I was at school, but I wanted something solid I can put on my site and send to other artists. I definitely want to sing it myself, but I'd love for someone else to record it. I think I have my dream list of artists I'd like to record it - Allison Durham Speer, Gaither Vocal Band, Josh Groban, Karen Peck, to name a few.

I wanted to wait for Brent to come back from England, and it was worth the wait. When I thought about who I wanted to play piano and record the demo, Brent was my first choice, and I was right. His playing is a perfect marriage with the song. We spent several hours working on the arrangement. I wanted to keep the simplicity of the arrangement Daryl played, but I also wanted Brent to add his own creativity. He really likes the song, which is so thrilling! Very few people have heard this one yet, but the reaction has been really good. I really feel that this song was a gift from God, so I hope I can get it out to lots of people. I feel like that's my responsibility with it.

After working out the arrangement, we did three takes. We recorded together, but on separate tracks to allow for some edits. I was really happy with the third take, so we used that one, with just a few little edits. Brent had some great things to say about my voice and how it's growing. I'm also feeling much more confident in the studio, and that's showing too. So good to know that my work is showing results!

The demo is now done and I'm really pleased with it. It really is a songwriter's demo - very simple, just voice and piano, no fancy effects - It's a good performance, and it shows the song really well. So exciting!

Now, the next challenge: To get it out there...

Hearing my song.

I brought Welcome to Bethlehem to the church choir today.

First of all, how awesome to be back singing with the choir! It was great to worship with the church and with that great music I love so much. Of course, since it was our first Sunday together in months, there were a few 'hiccups'. But all disasters were avoided, and the service was very inspiring.

At the end of rehearsal, I gave out copies of the SATB arrangement of Welcome to Bethlehem. I was so nervous for everyone to sing it! I don't know why, exactly. I guess I just wanted it to sound good and also for it to be easy to sing for everyone. Just a little back-stage-fright, I guess. But my fears were wasted. (Isn't fear usually wasted?) It works! Again, it's not incredibly intricate harmonies or anything like that. But it is good, solid SATB harmonies that work well and sound good. And I like the way the song sounds too. It's definitely an ensemble song and not a solo.

My next job is to learn how to edit it. I had the bars too close together, and with all the eighth notes and wordy text, it was a little hard to read.

Oh, and I have a new tune. I think it's going to be a lullaby. The words haven't come yet, but I think that's where it's going.

Music all the days.

I'm wishing I'd gotten to a computer to blog earlier than this. So much has been happening over the past few days, and I'm just hoping I can remember it all now.

It's sooo awesome to have Gerald home! For the obvious we're-in-love-and-planning-a-wedding reasons, but for artsy reasons as well.

My last entry mentioned that I stayed up and wrote one and a half songs:

GOD IS THERE
I decided to read the half-lyric to Gerald to get his opinion. I really thought it needed tonnes of in-depth research and study to make it emotional and poetic. Well, I think I was wrong. I started at the beginning (sing - a very good place to start!) and by the second verse, Gerald had his guitar in his hands. He started playing a few chords. I didn't have a tune written, but I knew the feel I wanted, and he was playing it! He started to sing the words. The tune fell in easily, and soon, we were singing the song! When we hit the third verse, we found 2 lines that needed to be re-written. I went away and did that, but otherwise, the song is exactly as it came out on that first night. See? How can you say songs are not a gift from God? I'm not that good. I couldn't just write something that instantly connects with people were it not for the Master Creator.

So, as we started to play with the tune and finding the correct key, something became really clear. This is not a song for me to sing! "What?", says my Inner Diva. "Every song is for me to sing!" Yes, but apparently not this one. As Ger sang it, his soul opened up. He found phrasing and nuance I couldn't even imagine. Every other song we've co-written has been for me to sing, but not this one. This one is his, and I couldn't be happier about it. Seriously. Even my Inner Diva is smiling. And I can actually hear lots of people singing this song. Gospel singers for sure, but country singers and folk singers and pop singers too. I think it approaches God in a universal, non-denominational way. And I don't mean that watered-down God we like to present to the masses. This is a God who cares and offers love and hope in the darkest conditions. We're recording a demo and will post it on my site as soon as it's done. I think this is a song that needs to be heard.

Funny - now that Gerald is the vocalist on the song, I feel just separated enough that I can jump on the bandwagon and yell, "Hey, come listen to this!"

WELCOME TO BETHLEHEM
The Christmas carol provided its own struggles for the week. First, I arranged the entire song in four part harmony - SATB. This is the first time I have done this since leaving school - sans supervision! It was a little nerve-wracking at times. I would write it, play it, screw-up my face, and rewrite it. In the end, I think it's okay. I can't say it's truly inspired harmony, but I think it's solid and workable.

I was going to bring it to choir rehearsal Thursday, but I left it at home! Arg! I'm bringing it tomorrow. I don't know if the choir would ever want to sing it. If so, big yay! But tomorrow, I'm simply asking them to be my test choir so I can hear what it sounds like and make any appropriate changes.

I'm also going to enter the Amadeus Christmas Carol contest. I may enter Welcome, or I may write a new tune for Joseph's Carol. They insist on new music, but not necessarily new words. Joseph's Carol is set to Faith of our Fathers, but I think the words are strong enough to warrant a new tune. But, I also came up with a new tune tonight that I think could be a unison lullaby? We'll see...

Oh, and I just found out about a new singers workshop Daywind is offering in October. How much would I love to go to that? It's probably just too cost prohibitive. Perhaps our next house should not be in the Beaches after all...

A writing night.

The adventures in writing continue...

I stayed up very late last night and ended up writing almost two songs. The first song is the "almost". The bulk of it is done, but I want to go over it with a rhyming dictionary to make the images deeper and the text less obvious. It's inspired by my Dad's sermon yesterday. When he started to write his sermon, he was inspired by the hymn, "We are a race of travelers". He wanted to say how God is with us as we travel the world and life. But then Katrina hit, and how does that not find it's way into a sermon? We're all thinking about it, and, in simplest terms, travel is affected. But what about the awful traveling of people from hotel roof-tops into helicopters? What about the traveling of family members who are escaping the area to go to their homes in other states and countries? And, of course, what of the journeys ahead of those who have lost their jobs, their homes, their towns, their families? What "travels" are ahead of them? Dad talked about the Bible passage that tells us not to worry about clothes and food. God dresses the lilies of the field, and His eye in on the sparrow, so of course He's watching us. But when those families were sitting in those horrid sports domes, surrounded by garbage and violence, unsure of what tomorrow would hold, do you really think they cared about the lilies and sparrows? It would be a hard Bible verse to hear in that moment. And, yet, that was Dad's point. Sometimes, a Bible verse may not be what we want to hear, but we should try to keep it in front of us at all times - to know that God is always with us - to know that even when we are surrounded in darkness and racked with fear - God is there. We may not see Him. We may not feel Him. We may not even believe in Him. But God is there. God is always there.

How awesome is that?

So, that's the start of one song.

The second song is really exciting for me as I believe I have written my first real Southern Gospel song! It's a Christmas song called, "Welcome to Bethlehem". Rhythmically, it feels like a convention song, but I can't say that it's one for sure. But I absolutely hear it with quartet harmony. Sooo exciting! I didn't start out to write a Southern Gospel song, but I guess God was in my pen last night. I'm going to arrange it in four parts myself ( I'm so proud to be able to say that! ) and bring it to my choir rehearsal on Thursday. They'll be my "test group" - not just to see if they like it, but to see if my harmonies work out as well!

Oh, and it's pretty sure now - I'm going to attend the Write for Jesus conference. Very excited!

Just news.

Well, I heard back from the audition, and I didn't get the part. I'm guessing they either cast older, or they cast someone they knew. Or both. It's just frustrating cause it's been so long since I did a play. Gerald and I did his play in Stratford last Christmas, which was awesome, but it was only one performance, which isn't really a satisfying run.

Of course, when a door closes...

After hearing the results of the audition, I checked my email. I've been offered a very interesting gig in October, and I've booked another church service for December.

This is all good.

An awkward day...

I have a warning for all my starving artist friends: You know how you think you're saving money by skipping those appointments with the dentist? Well, I'm here to tell you - You're wrong!

I had my first dental visit in years last week. I knew I should go, but money is always tight, and voice lessons and plane tickets are much sexier than fluoride treatments. I started to feel a little ache in my mouth, so I counted my pennies and went to the dentist. Remember how I thought I was saving money...

Today I had to go for my follow up appointment. My years of dental self-care was not as effective as one might think. My entire mouth was deadened to solve the problem of mini-cavities in my teeth. Everything hurt, and I couldn't drink water without drooling all day. And the price tag? Today plus last week was a 4-DIGIT-TOTAL! Over a thousand dollars in dental work, and that's for "nothing major". Eep!!!

Tonight, we're thankful for my awesome dentist, Dr. Tonisson, who understands the plight of the starving artist, and gave me a generous discount on my bill. Yes, "gave", as in, I didn't have to beg or cry.

The freezing lasted all day, which wouldn't have mattered if it hadn't been for my audition tonight. I tried doing vocal warm-ups, but I couldn't make an "oh" or an "oo". I felt like the Elephant Man. (My goodness, that sounds like a nasty comparison, but remember the way his mouth was shaped? It felt like that.) I took lots of painkillers and drank cold water til I could feel some movement in my face. I was really worried about having the dentist and the audition on the same day, but Gerald said, "You'll make it work". I don't really know what he meant by that, but nevertheless, I got through it.

I think the audition went well. I sang, "It's Unbelievable" by Jack Clark, and did a cold reading.
It's out of my hands now. I'll hear the results in a few days.

Yes, Lord.

Me and Bill - together again!

So, tonight just had a little silliness. Gaithernet (the Gaither fan club site) just had an on-line chat for its members with Bill Gaither. So me and Bill and 100 other people just chatted on-line. Very fun. I've never done a chat room before. Can't say I was really impressed. The main chat was moderated so that Bill could choose his questions, but before that, it was a free-for-all. I have no idea how you're supposed to keep track of who you're talking to?

I submitted about 20 questions - again, a reason why Mr. Gaither must have a moderator for the chat: to control crazy fans like myself. He answered two. "Will you be doing a Danny Gaither tribute project?" He's doing a project to honour many lost gospel heroes, and Danny is one of them. "Will the Toronto concert be staged in the round?" Yes! Wow. I wasn't expecting that. How on earth will they shoot it? What an undertaking! Someone asked why they do their shows in the round? He answered, "So more people can sit in the front rows." Brilliant.

Lots of dumb questions were asked. I know we're always told, "There are no dumb questions", but sometimes... For example, one person asked, "Where can I buy your book?" Hello! You have a brilliant writer and producer in front of you! Ask him about his life and his craft. You can Google the book! Anyhoo, all my snobby frustrations aside, it was a pretty cool event.

Several people were asking about adding performers to the Homecoming gang. But as Bill pointed out, every time they add a performer, they have to eliminate another one. Guess that means I won't be sitting on the stage any time soon. Unless I can find some one to lock in the bathroom before show-time. Just kidding! (sort of!)

He also mentioned the reason why he does all this: I am driven by the Message. Awesome. What more do we need?

A new experience - An old belief.

Earlier this year, I attended my first Jewish funeral. Today, we attended the unveiling of the headstone. I'd never even heard of this tradition, but apparently it's a common practice in Jewish tradition.

Visiting the cemetery, the first thing I noticed was all the rocks on the headstones. When you visit a grave, it is customary to leave a rock on the stone as a sign of your visit, so every headstone in the cemetery had piles of little stones heaped on top of them. I also noticed that there were no flowers on any of the graves. I know in Christian cemeteries, we're all about the flowers. I don't know if there is no Jewish tradition for flowers at the grave, or perhaps just this particular cemetery. The headstones had elaborate inscriptions with names in both Hebrew and English. Many stones also contained a description of the person and their accomplishments. At the exit of the cemetery, there was a water fountain that people were visiting on their way out. I think they were washing their hands?, but I wasn't able to find out what this is all about.

When we arrived at the grave, a cloth covered the headstone. The family stood behind the stone while the rabbi said some prayers, again both in Hebrew and in English. Then the family removed the cloth, and walked around to the front of the stone. The deceased was my friend's mother. How hard to watch her and her family today. Their love for their mom was powerful. The inscription on the stone was read aloud. It described her as a great mom, sister, friend, and "Superbubbie". The rabbi spoke a bit about my friend's mom, and then the family read a prayer in Hebrew.

This concluded the formal part of the ceremony. We were all invited to lay a rock on the grave as a sign of our visit. Lots of hugs and tears and catching up flowed through the crowd. The family had laid small toys around the grave to symbolize this Superbubbie's connection to her grandchildren. It was beautiful and moving.

I still don't know how we deal with grief. My own experience was so overwhelming, and I know my family was my life-line. I know that in the long run, this family will be okay, but I also know how difficult days like today can be. They are all in my prayers tonight.

Attending the funeral and today's ceremony really brought something home for me as well: I need to believe in an afterlife. I need to know that I'm going somewhere greater after this world. Don't get me wrong. I have no problem with any aspect of the Jewish faith. I'm actually a strong believer in interfaith worship and study. But the afterlife...

What if there really is no afterlife? What if we get to the other side and there's nothing there? Well, if that's the case, I guess I'll deal with it then. But today, in this world, I need to believe that there is an afterlife. I need - not want, but need - to believe that this world is not the be all and end all. I need to believe that when my soul leaves this place, I will join Steve and Nana and all those gone before me. I need to know that God is waiting for me on the other side. Perhaps, like the critics say, the afterlife is something we make up to comfort ourselves. Perhaps. But isn't life easier with that belief? Isn't death and grieving easier when we know that our loved ones are not simply resting, but they are living! Living in an eternal party with no pain, no tears, no death. Living eternally with God and music and love. How awesome is that?

I will never criticize someone else's spiritual beliefs. I guess this experience just helped to re-confirm my own.

A jazzy day.

Today was great! Esther and I went to the Distillery District to hear George Grosman play, and he invited us to join in!

The Distillery is absolutely my favourite part of Toronto. Actually, it feels nothing like Toronto, and maybe that's why it's so good. Old brick warehouses and cobbled roads. Artists and artisans selling their wares outside. Beautiful galleries and shops open to the public. The lovely and delicious Balzac's cafe. And lots of live music.

George was doing a solo gig on the patio of the Boilerhouse. He asked us yesterday if we would want to join him for a few songs. Definitely. I came prepared with my favourite song - Falling in Love Again - made famous by the gorgeous Marlene Dietrich. George had never played it, but he improvised beautifully. I just love that song! And it's been so long since I've sung it. So great to return to a well-loved song. My voice knew exactly how to wrap around the notes, and the text was deeper than ever. Next we did the Cole Porter classic - I Love Paris. What a great tune. So simple, yet so awesome. We took it uptempo, and it really rocked. We took it all the way through three times. So great. I used to be terrified of jazz. I was always afraid I wouldn't know when to come back in. But I've really worked hard with the big band stuff this year, and it's showing in my confidence. It all felt really great.

Mind you, I'm not a proper jazz singer or a great improviser. And this is not false modesty. I've heard great jazz singers, and I'm just not that. But I do love a great song, and I love the camaraderie of jazz. I love the creativity and the spontaneous songwriting that occurs in its performance.

The rains came, and we headed indoors. There, we joined up with Chris Whitely on horns, and Richard Whiteman on piano- both outstanding players. And they invited us to sing as well! Lucky day! I did a song for Gerald - On the Street Where You Live. He's always wanting me to do that song uptempo and swinging, so that's what I did. I did feel a little nervous - I'm naturally such a ballad singer - but I jumped in and had fun. I'm just hoping my nerves didn't show! But I definitely held my own, and I really had a good time. Since I'm still pretty new to the genre, those are pretty good goals to attain.

It was great to hear Esther too. I'm such a fan of her voice. She's making plans for a cd, and I'm first in line to buy one.

Tonight is more planning stuff. I'm still reworking my website. I'm nagging Hilary with updates and new photos daily. Yesterday was all about putting together my songwriters package for Nashville. It was a lot of work, but now that I have it done, it's ready to go out to lots of people.

And now, to book more gigs!

A good day.

Why do I get so nervous? You'd think at this point, I'd be all cool and relaxed, but I still get that nervous ache every time I take on a new project. I was so scared of the recording today, but everything was fine. Actually, more than fine. It was really great.

We did three songs:
1. My Father's Arms.
2. One Sure Step.
3. The Stable Bare.

Ger played guitar and I sang. All the takes were live, which was great. We were able to play off each other, and really enjoy our chemistry. Pretty much everything was done in one take. On One Sure Step, we did 2 takes and took the second. No edits in anything. Alan did a great job of making it sound warm and natural. I'm really happy with the results. I'm going to add the songs to my site. It's a tedious process - changing my site from being a musical catch-all to being a site representative of a musical ministry. The acting stuff will stay the same, but the music is all changing. I want people to be able to hear my songs on the website so they have a real sense of who I am and what I want to say.

I really never thought I'd write songs. If you'd asked me five years ago, I would have laughed and politely told you that I would never write my own material. I just honestly didn't believe I had any songs in me. But now, I find that to be shockingly wrong, and I'm so excited by the possibilities.

I'm looking into a Christian songwriting conference called Write for Jesus. Looks very exciting. Hopefully, I'll book another commercial to pay for my plane ticket.

Speaking of commercials, I finally saw my Global Television commercial tonight! Quick and funny. That was the gig that bought my ticket to Nashville. An answer to a prayer.

I'm sending my cd off to Nashville in the morning. The prayers have begun...

Singing and studios and stuff...

Lots of prayers being said tonight. We're in the studio tomorrow to record four of my songs. Yes, my songs. Crazy that anyone would take any interest in any thing I've written. But that is the craziness of the artistic life, I suppose. I do things that I think should interest everyone, and only my parents come. Then I do these little songs, and congregations start singing along. Funny how this all works. I try not to think too hard about it. Don't want to make myself dizzy with analyzing the way art works. That's not really important. But sometimes, it's worth standing up, dusting the glitter off your head, and going, "So, this is what's come of all this."

Tomorrow will be me on vocals, Gerald on guitar, and his friend, Alan, who will be our engineer. We'll do four songs, all in live takes. They will be simple and clean. I'll have them put on a disc, and I'll send them off to Nashville. There will also be a copy of IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL, and a red folder with song lyrics, etc, in it. Many prayers will be said over the package, and then it will be thrown in the mail, and many more prayers will be said til I hear some results.

I'm nervous about tomorrow. Gerald has been away, and we've had very little rehearsal time. We've barely seen each other all summer, and our only music time was singing at the AIDS Vigil in Pride Week. It's hard pulling stuff together so quickly. I'm hoping we both get a good night's sleep so we can be at the top of our game when we get in the room together. There's also a time pressure cause Ger's leaving again tomorrow evening. I think I'm feeling more prayers coming on...

As the song says, we'll take it "one sure step at a time".

And lots of prayers.

A rough day for puppies...

Today started early with thunder. Crazy insane thunder that sounded like a building exploding in the backyard. I was so frightened, I nearly called 911. Fortunately, I woke up quickly enough to realize that what I heard only came from the sky and not from the herb garden. The puppies freaked out. Desi was barking and whining. Sebastian was shaking and trying to hide under the bed. Two hours later, we crept downstairs for breakfast.

We hit a little quiet time in the morning. I was going to go out for some errands, but my instincts said to stay home. Smart little instincts. This afternoon, we had a thunder storm. And I mean a stoooorm. Pitch black at three in the afternoon. Thunder and lightening all on top of each other. And then, the climax - a power failure. Ninety minutes of pitch black in the middle of the afternoon. Right during Dr. Phil! Needless to say, the puppies were not happy. Desi followed me around when the thunder was going on, but once the electricity was out, he had to be touching me. Sebastian was a furry little basket case. Cabot was in his cage, feathers all puffed up, and no singing or squawking {I have no idea how to spell squawking! Thank you, spell check.} or anything. Sebastian and Desi and I curled up on the couch. I lit candles and watched the storm. Desi sat close and shut his eyes. Sebbyloo lay in my lap, covered in a blanket, shaking. I felt so sorry for them. They were so scared, and I felt like I could provide such little comfort for them. From their point of view, the world was falling apart, and I'm just sitting there, not fixing it. Poor little babies. Eventually, the lights came on, but the thunder has been rumbling ever since. Desi is fine, but Little One is still under the couch. He hasn't eaten any treats or gone outside. Poor little baby. I hate seeing him like this.

Most of the rest of today was spent in quiet work, and tonight I watched the Gaithers on TV. They are now MY homecoming friends. Look, there's Aunt Faye. Oh, that's my friend, Ben. heeheehee! Silly geeky me! But I love it. At one point, I recognized Brock Speer, sitting next to Aunt Faye. My heart skipped a beat and I started to cry. I've never met him, and yet I feel so connected to him. I wanted him to sing a solo so I could hear him, but that didn't happen.

I'm so honoured and humbled by the scholarship. Brock clearly meant so much to his family. When I got the award, they all sang his praises and told me what an wonderful, awesome, kind, sweet man he was. I want them to be proud that they gave the scholarship to me. I want to honour this man. I don't know how exactly. I guess, right now, I'll just keep following this path that God has lead me to. {I know, Mom. Dangling my prepositions.} I have stopped saying, "Please, God" in my prayers. I am trying to say, "Yes, God."

Whatever it is - Yes, God.

In the circuit...

I'm (un)officially back to work. It's official cause I'm working every day. It's unofficial cause I'm not getting paid for anything right now. Why is August always so slow for me? I should really take this month and spend it in Mexico each year. Then I could just enjoy it and not cry into my fake margueritas about my self-imposed poverty.

Deep breath - But really, I don't want to get a job. I don't want a regular paycheque or dental benefits. This is where I want to be. (...here with you, so close to me...) Doing what I love every day, and getting paid enough to keep my house and my sanity. Besides, it gives me the freedom of watching a movie after midnight, and going to brunch on a Tuesday afternoon. How many nine-to-fivers can say that?

This week, I'm back at auditioning. Four in the past week, including one callback. Not bad, especially given how deadly slow the industry is this year. I've been so blessed this year with auditions and bookings. It's really quite terrible for me to complain at all. Still, I haven't been on set since last month, and I'm feeling that urge again.

One of my auditions was for a musical. I haven't done a stage show in far too long. It would pay diddly, but I would be on stage again. And, right now, that's tempting enough in itself. But we'll see. I went in, looked good, and sang and acted well, and now it's all up to "them" and their idiosyncrasies. Do I look old enough to be a mom and young enough to be a daughter? Is my hair to long/curly/red? Do I have too much experience in theatre, and not enough in musical theatre? Or is it the other way around? Blah, blah, blah. Walk in, do the best I can do in the moment, and leave it there.

I'm so tired tonight. I'm recovered from school - finally - so it's that good-tired of working hard.

Nice...

The real work...

I am now in the phases of "real work". I no longer have the school's schedule or Allison Durham Speer or Daryl Williams to push and inspire me. This is the tough part of achieving your dreams. The infamous follow-through. Self-discipline. Taking the things I learned, and applying them. Building on them. Keeping the momentum. Blah, blah, blah...

As I'm writing this, I realize that I just sent off a professional email without doing spell check. I've now portrayed myself as a writer who doesn't know how to spell. My mother, the ultimate proof-reader, will not be impressed.

I'm trying to revamp my website, so that my musical offerings read more like ministry and less like diva-moments. School was a safe environment, but Toronto is not an easy city for Christians. We're told to hide our nativities at Christmas, and when someone sneezes, it's "bless you". To say "God bless you" is seen as pushy and offensive. Don't get me wrong. I love our multicultural city. I love living in and learning about other religions and cultures. But, in that light, Christianity should be equally accepted and important. In Toronto, wearing a cross on a necklace is fashion. Wearing a cross on a pin is political. How can we survive as a society when we are forced to remove all spirituality from our daily living?

I know there are people who will be offended that I'm taking my music in a new direction. I'm not going to stop singing Kurt Weill or Cole Porter. Good music is good music. I can never deny the power of a good song to affect someone's day. I guess the difference for me is a little broader. With a good jazz song, I can change someone's day. Give them an great night. With a good gospel song, I can change their life. And that's what I've always aimed for as an artist. To shake people up. To bring them out of the ordinary. For them to leave my performance with questions, new thoughts, new considerations.

I know that God has affected my life in amazing ways in the last few years. I can't wow people with my Biblical insights. That's just not my strength. What I can say is this: I was in the darkest place imaginable. My life took a turn that I thought I would not survive. I can't explain it, but this force we call God brought me through it. I can't explain it, but I know that this God loves me, cares for my everyday thoughts and actions, and stays faithful to me in good and bad. And I know that when I gave my art, my career, and my life to Him for His controlling, that my art, my career, and my life changed in ways I could never "ask or imagine". I can't explain it, but I can tell you that I know all these things to be true. And if you have any doubts, try it. Just give your life over to God, and see what will happen. It's truly amazing.

Sunday Serenades

Last night was awesome! I had a gig with the Philips-Westin Orchestra. It's all big band music, and I'm one of two vocalists. We did an outdoor concert in North York. It's part of a weekly series of big band music. Well, the series is more popular than I thought, cause we had thousands - yes, thousands! - of people out to hear us. They sat on benches, chairs, lawns, and ledges. Some brought their dogs. Some brought their kids. Some just sat and nodded along.

But mostly, they danced. They danced to Fever and S'wonderful. They danced to All of Me and Paper Moon. They danced to Mack the Knife and Beyond the Sea.

And it wasn't just shaking and shimmying. They danced. Real, old-school, sweep-her-off-her-feet dancing. How awesome to stand on stage and watch it all, and know that we were a part of this great night.

I did have a Stamps-Baxter moment up on stage though. I was a little nervous starting out. You know, with the thousands of people and all. And I heard Allison Durham Speer screaming, "Open your eyes! Don't disengage your audience!".
But opening your eyes takes such guts and bravado!
I opened my lids. I forced myself to look at a different person for each line of music. And it worked! It felt great. I know I was connecting with people. And I think I sang better too!

Oh, we Allisons are a smart bunch!

Home at last!

I got home 2 days ago, and it feels so good to be here. Nashville was awesome, but Dorothy had it right: There really is no place like home.

My travels weren't so great. My first flight was cancelled and I was put on another airline. 12 hours to get home! Flying in to Toronto felt wonderful, til I looked out the window and saw the blanket of smog covering the city. What are we doing here? I love living in Toronto, but everytime I travel, I fall in love with clean air again.

We just found out yet another friend has cancer. The impulse to leave the city and engage in a genuinely healthy lifestyle seems even stronger in these moments. City-folk think we're being healthy by taking vitamins and visiting the gym. And we wonder why country-folk laugh at us.

I'm trying to spend a little time resting, but I also feel a great need to get to work. I want to use all the knowledge I gained at the school. I am also feeling the need to do some serious reshaping of my career.

For now, it's all unpacking, organizing the trip's receipts for next year's taxes, and listening to the twenty-odd cds I bought.

Nashville - Play Day #4

My last real day in Nashville. Michaela and I hooked up with Tracey for lunch and she took us to Monell's. This was my first time trying soul food, and I was very excited. Monell's is set in a beautiful Victorian house, reminiscent of Stratford. We were led to one of several rooms that serve as dining rooms. But instead of small tables, you sit around a large dining room table. Our table was set for 14. We were the only people there, but when it's full, you sit with whoever is put at your table. The waitress told us to help ourselves to tea while she brought out the food. I was a little confused, because I had yet to see a menu. Well guess what - there is no menu. They just serve you food! Whatever they've made that day. So out come these ladies with huge bowls of food - fried chicken, creamed potatoes, biscuits, corn bread, peach preserves, green beans, spinach lasagna, and something green with marshmallows and pecans in it. The food kept coming til there was over 12 bowls of food on the table. All for the 3 of us. And then brownies for dessert. It was impressive. We just kept eating and eating til they asked us to leave {they're only open a few hours at a time}. It was like Christmas or Thanksgiving in my family. They just bring you food til you roll out the door.

Michaela flew home today, so after dropping her off at the airport, Tracey and I visited the Speer Building on Music Row. This is the part of town where all the music publishers and record companies are located. It doesn't look like a business district at all. Most of the companies are in gorgeous old homes. I got to say a few good-byes, meet Ben's dogs, and see a little behind the scenes stuff. I have already been assigned my voice teacher for next year's school.

Tonight was the Grand Ole Opry. This is the only thing I had planned before I came. It's no secret that I'm not a country music fan, but how could I come to Nashville and not see the Opry? And I'm sure everyone else knows this, but "Opry" is a bastardization of "Opera". This made me giggle. The Opry is still a live-to-air radio show, and runs as such. There is no curtain between acts. People are very casual on stage. Performers will stand on the side of the stage to watch the other acts, and their friends and family have special seats on the stage itself. There are 8 acts. Everyone does about 12 minutes, with 3 minutes of live commercials inbetween. The whole show is 2 hours exactly. Our show was a mix of old and new country. First there was hall-of-famer Porter Wagoner. He's exactly what I think of when I think Opry. A cowboy hat and a rhinestoned purple suit. But he was wonderful. His voice is old, but his spirit felt young. And you can tell he means every word he sings. Then there was a great singer, Rebecca Lynn Howard. Great vocals and fun songs. Jesse McReynolds and the Virginia Boys provided great bluegrass music. Did you know bluegrass music started with the Irish and Scottish settlers? They brought the Celtic music up into the mountains, and it developed into bluegrass. That's my people! Billy Currington was a sexy hillbilly treat. He's got to be a rising star. Mandy Barnett has great smoky vocals, but she really needs a good stylist. Dress-shorts and heels are so 1985. John Conlee sang a song about the families of soldiers at war. Not as good a song as Hero at Home, from the Bluebird, but it had the crowd on its feet. Jim Ed Brown delivered touching old songs with warm harmonies. Really gentle and charming. Daryle Singletary finished the program with an accent so thick I couldn't understand a word he said. He's a real cowboy-hat-wearing country singer. A little too country for me.

The Opry ends at 9:00, so we visited the IMAX theatre to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Tim Burton, Johnny Depp, and chocolate. What could be better?

We then went for a stroll through the Opryland Hotel. It's amazing. There are 3 arboretums inside the actual hotel. And one has a river, and in the day, you can take a boat ride though it. I really wanted to knock on someone's room so I could see inside, but I didn't think it would go over very well. I know the people here are friendly, but that may be pushing it.

I've had an amazing time in Nashville, but I'm also looking forward to going home tomorrow. Here's prayers for safe travel...